


How I Look In Your Mind

by SolusCrow



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, about that, father son bonding and dealing with their relationship bc why hasn't there been anything i've seen, fuck that noise, psychonauts secret santa, psychonauts secret santa 2018, raz and papa aquatics relationship wasn't even a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 01:31:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17132480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolusCrow/pseuds/SolusCrow
Summary: In between the Meat Circus and Raz officially becoming a Psychonaut, he and his dad have a talk.





	How I Look In Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ziggy-starpup on tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ziggy-starpup+on+tumblr).



> Hey, this is my piece for Psychonauts Secret Santa 2018! I hope you enjoy! Uploading here too bc tumblr is shiiiiiiiiiit

Augustus Aquato first met Ford Cruller in the process of frantically rebraining and reorienting his son. While Cruller had two bad impressions working against him- letting Razputin get debrained on his watch and his involvement in psychic politics- Augustus was shocked to find that he had the bad reputation of Razputin’s words hanging over his head. And it seemed those words had reached Cruller most of all.

 

Cruller had been quick to snatch Razputin’s brain from Augustus, a protective gleam in his mad eyes, and when Augustus had attempted to help in the process, Cruller had snapped a quick “Get your hands away from those” to him before giving him the cold shoulder. It wasn’t until Razputin and the other campers had been bustled out for check ups and the two men were alone that Cruller spoke again.

 

“Now, I don’t know where you get off treating that boy of yours the way you do, but here, that won’t be tolerated. We are  _ more _ than happy to take Raz off your hands and give him an environment where he’ll be  _ appreciated. _ ”

 

The icy chains wrapped around Augustus’ heart tightened. “I don’t hate Razputin.”

 

“Funny, that’s not the way he tells it.”

 

“I don’t know where he got the idea that I did,” Augustus said. “I love all my children with all my heart. I just want him  _ safe.” _

 

“And ‘safe’, I presume, means ‘no powers allowed’?” Cruller’s lip curled up in a disdainful sneer.

 

“You don’t know our situation or our family.” He squared his shoulders resolutely and straightened his back. “I don’t know where  _ you _ get off implying  _ anything _ about the way my wife and I raise our children.”

 

Cruller ‘hmph’ed. “Razputin said your last name is Aquato, is that right?- now now, no need for that,” he said as Augustus slid his foot back and lifted his hands to the ready. “That’s all the confirmation I need. Yes, there isn’t a psychic who knows their stuff that hasn’t at least  _ heard _ about the Aquatos.”

 

“Then you know why our family is run the way it is.”

 

“Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean I think you’re  _ right _ ,” Cruller said as he turned to fully face Augustus for the first time.

 

“It’s dangerous out there. It’s better for us to keep our heads  _ down.” _

 

“ _ Or _ ,” Cruller said, “it  _ could _ be better to let your children explore their psychic powers and learn to defend themselves in a  _ safe _ environment.”

 

“That would mean bringing  _ attention _ to us. Razputin is young, and reckless, with dreams of glory.” He rubbed his forehead. Did this man not get it? “He will not understand. Requiring him to keep them hidden until he could be more responsible… how was that anything but the best course of action?”

 

“Well, hindsight’s twenty twenty,” Cruller said with an infuriating shrug. “I’ve interacted with a good amount of youngin’s myself in my long life, and let me tell you- telling a child that something is a secret, particularly if that something is a something that fascinates them, is the fastest way to tempt them and to lose their respect. I don’t think Razputin’s lost his respect for you yet,  _ Augustus _ ,” Cruller said. “From the way he talks about you, it’s clear he really wants your approval. But you can’t hide or protect him from this anymore. Like it or not, he’s dived headfirst into this world, and he has eyes on him back at headquarters. The best way to keep him safe would be to accept him and be at his side, rather than another enemy to dodge, even if a well intentioned one.”

 

Augustus met the eyes of the old man. He saw sympathy in there, he thought- or perhaps he hoped. “...I’m not ready.”

 

“You never are.”

 

“You’ll keep him safe, won’t you?” 

 

Cruller smiled, warm for the first time. “Of course I will. Psychonaut’s honor.”

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

The day after both Razputin’s rebraining and Augustus’ talk with Ford, Augustus found himself being dragged around the camp by his son. Like a good father, he made comments of appreciation and sounds of awe at the appropriate moments. He replaced his terror at the thought of his son in a battlefield with praise at his son’s success in the treehouse, replaced his anxiety over the “secret lab”  _ (what kind of man has a secret lab that he invites children into-) _ with an affirmation of how it was no surprise to him that Razputin was given such a high honor on his first day, how he was so, so proud. He suspected his voice betrayed him with a waver at the tale of his son running across the lakebed as the water expanded and contracted around him like lungs, like fate toying with him, with the curse waiting, waiting to snatch and he could have lost his little boy so many times. Razputin shyly took his hand after that. His normally red cheeks darkened when one of the girls around the camp giggled, but he didn’t let go.

 

It was late in the afternoon when Razputin finished regaling Augustus, and he was emotionally drained in a way he’d never been before after hearing the dramatic tale. The adrenaline needed to find and save his boy had worn off, and he was  _ tired. _ But he had one more job left to do.

 

He sat with Razputin down on the hill by the main cabin. The sun sent its summer rays down to beat the earth below with a smug smile, and the crickets chirped in the dramatic darkness of the bushes. It was quiet here in a way the circus never was, and it pressed around him and squeezed the breath from his lungs. “Razputin,” he managed to say, apprehension causing his heart to waver. “I owe you an apology.”

 

“Dad?” Razputin asked. He looked up at Augustus with such shock that Augustus’ stomach turned. “For... what?”

 

“I’ve failed you as a father.” He held up his hand to silence his son’s protests. His arm felt weak. He could almost imagine it shaking with apprehension. “No. Not only did I force you to hide something that is such a big, important part of you, not only did I poison something you loved, but I hurt you. Razputin, I need you to know, I have never hated you. I love you with  _ all _ my heart.”

 

Razputin pulled his goggles down over his eyes. Augustus cannot see his son’s expression, but he can see his own terrified face staring back at him. “...is Mom scared of me?”

 

Augustus’ eyes burned. “Of  _ course _ not, never. She’s scared  _ for _ you, Razputin.”

 

“But- but why?”

 

“For… for the same reason you thought I hated psychics. The Aquato family is  _ old _ , Razputin, with a long legacy of psychic power.” Augustus held out a finger and conjured a small flame. It danced on the tip so merrily, so weak. “And with age comes history. And history, enemies. The Galochios, they who cursed our family, are just one powerful enemy family among many.” He flicked another finger out, and another, three, four, five, a flame leaping to life on the tip of each. “The world of psychics is a dangerous one, a political warzone, with every member vying for superiority over the others.” He ran his thumb over the tips of his other four fingers, leaving one flame standing, and he clenches his fist, extinguishing even that one. They left only faint wisps of smoke as proof of their existence, but even those were quickly blown away.  “Even among the Psychonauts.”

 

“But, they’re  _ heroes _ . Aren’t they?” Raz’s voice wavered, as if the slightest breeze could blow it out of existence.

 

But as he knew he had to do, Augustus sheltered him from the wind. “Of course, there are always the good. I have no doubt that Agents Cruller, Sasha, and Milla are trustworthy. They seem to care about you a great, great deal. But if you pursue this, it will be dangerous. Your mother and I, we never wanted that danger for you.” Augustus laid a gentle hand on his son’s shoulder. Razputin is so small, even now, and Augustus’ hand looks far too big. “We wanted to wait until- until you were older, Razputin. Until it would be easier for you to understand. I see now that...  we were wrong.” It took far too much discipline to hide the way his breath hitched when Razputin looked away, pulling his knees to his chest like a scared child.. Raz believed Augustus hated him until yesterday- it was going to take time to build trust once more.

 

“I think you’re wrong,” Raz said. He squared his shoulders with a defensiveness disguised as bravado. The way he used to when he imitated the strongmen or the noble heroes from his comics. “The psychic world isn’t like that at all. We’re going to do good.”

 

“I know you are, Razputin,” Augustus murmured. “I’ve always known you were going to do good.”

 

In a way, Augustus knew then how things would turn out. He had never been a fortune teller- never gotten a flash of the future in between breaths, never seen a vision in a crystal ball or spoke with the voice of the cards. But in that moment, Augustus knew that his son had left the nest forevermore. He knew that his son would become a Psychonaut, would leave, would do great- no,  _ amazing- _ things. And he didn’t need to see the future to know. Because in a way, he always had known, from the moment he saw Razputin swaddled and still so, so small.

 

So he pulled Razputin into his side and held him closely, tightly, protectively, while he still could, while he still had the power to hide his son from the evils in the world, even as he knew he could never.

 

“I love you, Razputin,” He said quietly.

 

After a moment, Razputin looped his small arms around Augustus’ neck. “I love you too, Dad.”

  
  



End file.
